Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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