Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
