oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
