State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
