Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
