I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
