very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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