O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it hurts more in the daytime
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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