I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
