i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
