we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
