last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
