my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
