the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just invented taco cereal.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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