I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize