Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
