Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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