You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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