my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
