Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
