I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
