At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
