she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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