I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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