I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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