I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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