Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
