I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
