Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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