I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize