I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
