My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
