I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
