This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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