He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
