I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
