Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
