I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Terrible idea I love it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
