i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
