no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
