We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
