Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
