the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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