i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
