he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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