Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
