When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
