cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
