I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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