Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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