8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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