You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
