I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
