he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize