smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize