Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
