I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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