A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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