Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
