I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
