i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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