I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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