sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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