i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
