While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The air taste purple.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
