Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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