One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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