did you get engaged???
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
