I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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